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sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

LOL

(Source: pandaaamonium14)

popculturesocialclub:

Famitsu Leak Reveals Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep Volume 2, Noctis, Lightning

A lucky reader of Famitsu recieved the magazine early and has uploaded some screencaps showing the recently announced Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep Volume 2. Taking place after the PSP’s Birth by Sleep, the game takes place in the ten year gap between Birth by Sleep and the original Kingdom Hearts and will illuminate Aqua’s journey in the Realm of Darkness. At some point she’s be interacting with the heroes of Final Fantasy XIII and XV, Lightning and Noctis respectively. The game is coming out in 2015 for the PlayStation Vita.

O:

Ladies and Gentlemen, my ex boyfriend.
That last sentence, there’s a whole story behind it.
Before we broke up, me and him were always arguing. We both could see that it was going to end, just no one wanted to say it first.
When I met him, I also met my current boyfriend. I was always skyping with both of them, and I grew to like them both. They both began to like me. Of course the time came to choose, and I chose this asshat over the nicest, sweetest guy.
Anyway, during the fighting, I was stressed and upset. Really unhappy with my relationship, and I talked to the other guy. He goes by “Mehhh” online. Mehhh kept reminding me of how much he loved me and always assured me that he was there for me. When I was reaching my breaking point, I realized how much I loved Mehhh. There he was, a guy ready to love me and treat me the way I deserved to be treated. So of course, I finally said it and told this asshat that it was over. I did it so I could be with the guy who I love and loves me. Does that make me a slut? For wanting to be with the guy I care so much about?

kaelyndoeschristmas:

lynnellcli:

You know. Adam makes a really valid point. Seto claimed that TC were his closest friends, yet he never told them anything about himself. Did he not trust them enough? I thought you could trust close friends.
I understand that people like to keep their life private, but don’t you think it’s sad to go 4 years without knowing a close friend’s name?

I hate to do this, but let’s look Pewdiepie and Cry.

Does Felix even know Cry’s real name? His face? It really comes down to privacy. No one should be forced into real names or showing their faces. It’s not needed. There’s only one thing I agree with, and that’s Adam saying Seto needs to stop. Not just him, but everyone in TC. They need to stop with ignoring it. 

People go insane in the dark. They will want out. They’d much prefer light, but when someone loses faith and hope…

Every situation is different though. Seto feels betrayed, and to be betrayed, you have to have trusted someone. Believed in someone. If Seto really trusted his “closest friends”, he could have at least given them a name. All you need is a first name. A first name hardly gives anything away about yourself, especially if it’s common.

themadkingskilt:

lynnellcli:

You know. Adam makes a really valid point. Seto claimed that TC were his closest friends, yet he never told them anything about himself. Did he not trust them enough? I thought you could trust close friends.
I understand that people like to keep their life private, but don’t you think it’s sad to go 4 years without knowing a close friend’s name?

GIVE ME A FUCKING SOURCE FOR THIS BULLSHIT

Sky deleted his post, it appears. Must’ve done it after I posted this and fell asleep.

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